Monday, July 9, 2012

Twilight-I know, I know, Twilight

Sorry about the lack of blog posts and book reviews in the last long time. I wish I could blog, what, 2 times a week, but I can't, since I can't read that fast, and I'm sorry. One of my excuses is that I have been reading Twilight for a while now, and it's long, and in some parts I just space out because it gets... just... kind of... boring. I know, I like those little dot dot dot things... 
I have a question about the cover. Why are the hands holding an apple, of all things?  

So anyways, back to the point. I read Twilight. But I do have an excuse. Sappy love stories with perfect, sexy vampires aren't really my thing, but I felt I needed to check out the series to see what all the hype was about. Now, with the view of the people who like it in mind, it's about romance, and one of the main characters is good looking and blah blah blah. Also, a lot of fans probably saw the movie first and yadayadayada. I can see why they like it, but I think this is not a good reason to love a book. And with the people who hate it, I understand them too. It's definitely not as well written or as good as those books like Harry Potter or the Hunger Games. Stephanie Meyer depended on her thesaurus WAY too voluminously. The words she used were gargantuanly surplus! See, that is what materializes when you employ the thesaurus too much. And I have another reason that people might hate it. The fans! Kind of like why a lot of people hate One Direction and Justin Bieber and all those things like that. The fans are crazy! Now why they like Twilight, I guess it's a) because of the movies and b) because it's popular. There are many vampire books, many romance books, and many vampire romance books! So I think one of the reasons so many people think it's the best book in the world is that a lot of other people think it's the best book in the world, and so on. Kind of like a snow ball rolling down a hill.

You should check this out - There are a bunch of comments on Twilight, mostly bad, and they are genius! Especially the first one, which is a spoiler, but is still super genius.

The protagonist is Isabella Swan. Sure, Edward Cullen is also a main character, but the story is told from Bella's view. So I looked up Bella Swan on Wikipedia, and apparently Stephanie Meyer named her Isabella because that is the name that she wanted to name her future kid and Stephanie "loved her like a daughter". Personally, I wouldn't love a main character (especially like a daughter) who a) loves a guy only because he is perfect and looks good (which she mentions every page), b) has very low self-esteem c) would sacrifice herself willingly, d) WANTS TO BECOME A VAMPIRE! FOR SOME STUPID GUY! WTF?! and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. Is that what she wanted her daughter to be like? I hope not...

Then there's Edward Cullen. He loves Bella because she "smells good". I have one major problem with Edward Cullen. Well, more than one... but... anyway, I have a major problem with him. He sparkles in the sun. He's a vampire! Vampires don't sparkle! They are demons and they are crazy and they drink people's blood and they are evil and they don't sparkle!!! Of course, that's only my opinion. Also, how would a vampire be vegetarian? They drink people's blood! I know, the Cullens drink animal's blood instead, but really? Now I know, sure, it's kind of like human vegetarians, but I don't think that vampires resisting from drinking a humans blood is really like a vegetarian resisting from eating bacon. That's because the whole point of vampires is that they drink human blood.

I have to say that my favorite character is probably James. If you haven't read the book you don't know who I'm talking about, but he actually gives the book a plot, instead of the book just being about two people who love each other because the guy looks good and the girl smells good.

Also, the messages that the book sends out are terrible and totally anti-feminist. There are statements like "it's totally fine to change everything about yourself for a guy", (Bella wants to become a vampire, even if it means leaving  everyone she loves [well except for Edward]. What's wrong with her? She is seriously messed up.) and "there's nothing wrong with being obsessed with your boyfriend and depending on him for everything!" (she is a clumsy damsel in distress and she depends on Edward for EVERYTHING.)

If I offended you because you really like Twilight, I'm sorry, and if you understood and enjoyed this post, yippee! I rate this book... 1.3 out of 5 stars. I don't recommend it.


p.s. That whole blog post (including this thingy) was 851 words! I'm so proud!


  1. lol nice review! i sorta like twilite i udnno

  2. Nice review! I read Twilight about 3 years ago and I though it was ok, but then I reread it this year and I realized how truly terrible it really is.

  3. Apple ... temptation and the garden of eden reference in literature most of the time. Fits the sexy vampire thing. Silver bullets?